It’s a beautiful day
The light breeze, I can feel it on my skin
The birds chirping
People smiling
What a beautiful sight
As I take my seat in class
I, for some reason, feel good about today
Hold on.
Wait.
Was it too soon to feel that way?
“Oh no no no no”
“Not today”
“Please not today”
I say these words to myself on repeat
I can feel its grip tighten on me
I can’t breathe properly
My heart beats fast
“No, not here, not in front of them”
“I need to get out”
“Oh my god, I won’t be able to get out before it starts”
I can feel tears build up in my eyes
I start to lose my breath
I somehow manage to excuse myself
And I run out from there
Soon I am on my knees
“Please stop”
“I can’t”
It feels cold
I try to get hold of some air
I clutch my arms
Try to calm myself
Huh?
Who am I kidding?
There is no calm
It’s all out
I am on the ground
Trying to breathe
My tears won’t stop
My mind is loud
It’s out of control
“I can’t”
“I want this to end,
“Please”
“I can’t”
Another minute passes by
I am sitting in the corner
I can breathe now
But I feel lifeless
I feel numb
Tears continue to roll down my cheek
I sit for another minute
“I am fine”
“I got this”
I get up and wash my face
Enter my class with a bright smile
“What did I miss guys?”
And we go on about life
.
.
.
A beautiful day indeed